Don't you hate it when your own insecurity ruins the very existence of your relationship and the best part is that you know she loves you so much and she gave you her all but you just had to be so blind about it from the start and you end up letting your insecurity kill her emotionally and the relationship.
There are so many things I wished I've done differently and if I could, I would take everything I said that hurt her back but I can't and I know I'll never be able to go back into her arms, ever again. I don't know what the fuck is up with me.... I know what is it that I should do and what I need to do but I ALWAYS end up messing things up again. I was determined (still am though..) to make this work because believe it or not, she's the one. I'm not even kidding. Laugh at me for all I can care but she is the one for me.
"You messed up so you pay for the price of messing up and dream on about her going back to you" A friend said this to me. It was a hard and fucking painful knock but it's true. I have to pay the price for messing up all the time and for making her cry all the time to the extent that she feels like she's being driven off the edge.
They say that if you love someone, you'd let them go if they're unhappy... So I am leaving her alone so that she can go find genuine happiness and find someone who doesn't make her want to cry all the time. This is hard but I have to do this.
I'll still go ahead with AMP and all that because it was a promise I made to her and that's the least I could do to make it up to her in return for all that she's done for our relationship. It's going to be hard going through this without her by my side but all the memories we made, good and bad ones will keep me going because what we had was real.
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