October calls for changes. Changes I need to fucking make in order to bloody hell straighten up my shit and changes I should have made a long time ago. There are many things to look forward to in the coming month but the one thing I'm super excited about is my parents' 12th anni. Like omg, 12 years since you guys got married. 12 years of you being my mother. 12 years of you nagging. 12 years of you guys having so many billion fights but still end up making it up to each other at the end of the day. After 12 years and you guys are still married!!! Oh my gosh dad, your longest marriage everrrrrrrr.

Ok, bye

x

Approx. 8 more days to my next paper. Need to hardcore focus on my papers. No more lepaking and wasting my time on the net so much. I'm going to own my Math papers, Chemistry, Bio and Geography papers. I'm going to get my grade 4/3 and grade 2 for those papers respectively. I REALLY NEED A GRADE 2 FOR MY HUMANITIES AND SCIENCE.

Ughhh (&@!(&#)*)!!!!*(@!&(&@)!!!

Oh btw, I've been having really weird dreams the past few nights. I wake up feeling so lost and insecure and this sucks. Shit, I need to stop fagging.

x

"Why do all good things come to an end?"

So.. if you have yet to realise, I'm in a good mood right now.

I messed up, I'm sorry

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry I don't bring home report slips with many pretty grade As on it. I'm sorry I don't keep to my curfews. I'm sorry I don't help you out with the house chores even though I'm free as hell. I'm sorry I can't be like Dulcie who is an all rounded student who graduated with such a good testimonial and graduation cert. I'm sorry I don't get along with my little sisters at times which pisses you off because you always end up having to take sides. I'm sorry that I do things which I'm not suppose to do at my age. I'm sorry for keeping things from you and I'm sorry that I'm not the awesome daughter any parent would want.

I'm also sorry that sometimes, you don't even understand how I feel and what I'm going through. I hope some day, you'll understand why I'm behaving like this. I need you to understand that there are things I want to do in life and I hope you'll someday love me like one of your own.

xx

Had to delete my post. Strict orders from captain.

Oh well~

Hi ol' folks, I had one hell of a freaking crappy start to the week but other than that, I'm feeling good, good thanks to the lepak session I had with Diana, Flying buddy, Maria Mendoza and Yan aka. MACHO. Yes, I know I'm suppose to be studying... but hey, I did math during accounts lesson. Like, so hardworking ah sial.

I stupidly left my wallet in yan's buddha bag because I was too lazy to carry it. Now, I'm identity-less and no more brunei money for me. Did I tell you, SCHOOL WAS FANTASTIC TODAY. Shoot me for saying that but thanks Jasmine for listening to me rant like a bastard just now during lessons.

I need to go and sort my shit out so I'm out of here.

Haha, found this in my hard drive. Taken approx. 7months ago

Good morning ol' folks, had a good day with Diana, Hazmil and Sufyan. We headed to waterfront for pizza, drinks, oxygen, fire sparklers and lepak. The sunset was covered by the clouds but still, it was fantastic view from where we were sitting. We were having shitloads of fun by trying to take photos with a cybershot but major failure because we couldn't adjust the shutter speed.

Hazmil left early so the three of us decided to relive the good ol' days. We had fun the in the rain and being so damn care free. This is what I like about nights out with Diana and Sufyan. We never fail to behave like mental cases but hey, we're young, free and wild.

I woke up freaking ass early this morning because I had to pee. I have bloody math tuition today but on the brighter side, going to head out with Diana today after tuition. My mom and dad are out for the whole entire day -P-p-p-party time!!!!

x

I find myself thinking about things I dislike thinking about whenever I have too much time on my hands and this sucks. I'm glad that I'm surrounded by my fellow crazy soldiers. School has been such a blast with 'em the past week. We've been planning our 'After N levels' plans since a long time ago and now that it is getting nearer, we are all damn excited.

On a heavier note, something happened in class yesterday. My classmates talk about how I'm closer to people like Diana but not 'em and if that incident happened earlier on in the year, it would be my reason why I'm not as close to my classmates than I am to Diana, yan etc. In any case, I'm glad I drew the line but at the same time, I thank God for my homies; Jasmine, Kiana, Deanne, Ivana, Becky, Nina and Celest

Speaking of what happened in class yesterday, it also made me realise how people of the same age group matures at very, very, very different pace. I'm not refering to anyone in particular so please don't take any offence in what you're reading but then again, this is after all, my blog right..?

Ok, Diana and I are heading to waterfront for some pizza and drinks. Oh yes, had fun at granny's last night with my cousins and cousin in-law.

-Huge smile

x

It sucks to have your stomach empty cause you can't eat anything. I tried eating pasta, porridge, ice cream, chocolates(I know, shut up) and chicky rice but I failed. I teared while attempting to eat the chicky rice.

Looks like its all soup, milk, more soup and more milk for the next few days. I will die if the genius of soups didn't create soup or broth and I'll die if there weren't any cows or oceans for me to drink.

I died, I'm in hell

Although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart inside

Selamat Ketupat Day

I could be blogging about all the crap which ruined my mood this week and it would probably be on my mind for the next couple of weeks(it's really that crappy) but nah, I'd rather talk about the good since I am afterall.... Awesome :)

As some awesome people would know already, my step mom's family is Javanese malay so we celebrate Hari Raya. I had a good time catching up with my relatives from that side. Everyone's growing up so fast.. My step mom's brother got married last year and his kid is already turning 1 next month. What a pretty boy. My step mom's niece is already working as an educator in early childhood and another niece has her driver's licence already. People are growing up way too fast man..

I had a good, good time eating all the fooooooood. Went to visit momsies' family too. This is the first year Dulcie and I are able to celebrate Hari Raya with our real mom's family. They're malay too. Mom met momsies' family for the first time too. Ok, awkward... but I'm glad they met.

As usual, the money I collected from Hari Raya will go to Red Cross this year because I've never donated to Red Cross before besides the envelopes from school. Clearly, I don't deserve the money because I barely fast this month so I suppose it's not fair since the green packets are rewards for fasting through out the month.

Anyway, tomorrow we'll be having a gathering for my dad's biological father, the pyscho historian, his wife, Aunty Jean, Aunty Brenda, Uncle Denko, Ty-boy and I forgot who else. Flying buddy and Illy baby are coming over too :) Yay, I'm excited.

x

Scar Tissue -Red Hot Chili Peppers

Scar tissue that I wish you saw. Sarcastic mister know it all. Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause with the birds I'll share, with the birds I'll share this lonely view. With the birds I'll share
this lonely view

Push me up against the wall. Young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra. Fallin' all over myself to lick your heart and taste your health 'cause with the birds I'll share this lonely view. With the birds I'll share this lonely view

Blood loss in a bathroom stall. Southern girl with a scarlet drawl. Wave good-bye to ma and pa 'cause with the birds I'll share this lonely view. With the birds I'll share this lonely view

Soft spoken with a broken jaw. Step outside but not to brawl. Autumn's sweet we call it fall
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl andwith the birds I'll share this lonely view

I'd walk to you if I had no other way

It takes two hands to clap and communication is the freaking key but no, even though you're like bloody hell online, I have to start the conversation and you, you don't even bother to keep it going. Fuck this shit man, I'm thanking God for putting Diy into my life and telling me what I ought to know.


AND TO YOU DIYANAH AFENDY(did I get the surname right this time?)
Please, please lighten up. Don't give a shit about someone who treats you macam nonsense. We'll go do all the stuff we promised we would do after our exams. We go lepak~~(inserts mat accent) and get fried by the sun. We'll name things and people after all the stupid names we read in the papers just now. We'll go lepak~~ at ulu ulu places. I'll fly into the room where _&_ are being sexually active and I'll buzz you over and we'll video tape those two and we'll get rich by blackmailing 'em. But before we can do all of the above, cheer up. It's ketupat night and seeing your tweets is making me sad :( :(
xx

Flying buddeh came over and we had a blast. We sat in the study room reading the newspaper and making fun of people's names, lepak-ed at the rooftop talking about shit load of stuff and we played Would You Rather with a huge serving of nonsense. We just sat there talking for hours even though we were getting fried by the sun.

We lepak-ed in my room after that and Geneva came over! Woot, woot. We all watched How I Met Your Mother after that and flying buddeh had to leave after that. She should have stayed for dinner and dinner would have been so much more fun. :(

Hi Diy, I hope you're reading this and feeling as guilty as fuck for not wanting to stay for dinner just because it felt weird. WE HAD SO MUCH FUN TALKING DANCERS AND LIKE, YOU KNOW STUFFFFFFF. Kidding, love you :)

The girls are all baking in the kitchen right now while I am surfing the net because I just don't feel like baking today.

Today's such a productive day.
Ok, fine we didn't study at all. But we learnt a new MALAY word : Lata

x ---For you flying buddy

Credit: Bemysuperhero.tumblr.com

I woke up damn early today hoping to see her online so I could atleast have a conversation with her even if it's just for 2minutes but oh well.

:(
:(
:(

I'm going back to sleep. Flying buddy coming over in the afternoon to study. Lets see if we actually study.

Ok, this is really fucking killing me. The best part is, I don't even know why the fuck do I feel like this. This is what I hate about letting someone in because hell, I was fucking ready to let someone in after all the shit that is supposedly to fucking make people stronger "cause they're obstacles from God" fuck this, fuck practicing what you preach.

AND TO YOU, I can't believe you betrayed our friendship this way and honestly speaking, I am really hurt that you did what you did when you were with her. Have you ever thought about how I would feel knowing where you were when you did it? Thanks alot, really. I can't be anymore grateful to how we were both leaning on each other for support and now, you just did something you know I'm sensitive about. THANKS ALOT, FRIEND. I'm loving you forever for doing this.

Caitlin told me this for the countless time since forever : Be ignorant to things which hurts you and soon, you'll let go and that's the gift of Happiness from God

-Big smile for you

Stand By Me

Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday. I've gotta lot of things to learn. Said I would and I'll be leaving one day before my heart starts to burn

So what's the matter with you? Sing me something new... Don't you know the cold and wind and rain don't know. They only seem to come and go away

Times are hard when things have got no meaning. I've found a key upon the floor. Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find behind the door

Stand by me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be

If you're leaving will you take me with you, I'm tired of talking on my phone. There is one thing I can never give you, my heart can never be your home

Hi, it's a rainy and super cold afternoon. I'm done with 3 of my N lvl papers and now I have the rest of the week off to go lepak and oxygen and lepak and oxygen somemore and lepak somemore, yay.

I had the funniest lunch yesterday with my favourite chilli padi, Deanne. We were talking about -eyebrows. Anyway, I got to go and get ready to meet Gemma for Ice cream!

I'll be back later on.

x

Since I barely have 5 god damned minutes, I'll just sum it up in this ol' lauper's lyrics

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time.
If you fall, I will catch you. I'll be waiting, time after time

Enough of that fag's lyrics, I just want you to know that I don't ever want to lose you and when I said that meeting you was one of the best thing that ever happened to me, I meant every part of it. And my #01 favourite thing this year was you telling me you feel the same way.

xx

How the time passed away all the trouble that we gave. And all those days we spent out by the lake, has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made, one by one they vanish just the same

Of all the things I still remember, summer's never looked the same. The years go by and time just seems to fly but the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain. Nothing to lose but everything to gain. Reflecting now on how things could've been, it was worth it in the end

HEARTBREAK WARFARE

N level is starting next week, so damn fast.. :( I'm down with a terrible flu and fever. I've been sleeping for the whole entire day and I have yet to start on any of my homework.

Yucks, school tomorrow. So fucking gross