Thoughtsss

"While I was taking a shower; 

I was washing my face and when my face was closed up to the huge ass mirror, I saw my tear ducts while rubbing my eyes. Immediate memories which flooded my thoughts was that one time I came over to your place so excitedly in the morning, wanting to tell you about how weird my eyes were because I never knew there was a hole at the edge of my eyes.

When I told you about it, you just lied on your bed, gave me the bitchiest look and then laughed so hard. "

Unexpected thoughts greeting me during my Monday shower. Wrote it down here since I do not have my black book here with me in K.L. Meh 

Have a good PH, everyone! 

31st November 2012

Spent the day in a foul mood no thanks to a certain individual whom I would slap the silly out of but I shall not out of respect and love. No kid. It was such a small and beyond stupid reason for that person to lash out and it was the fucking epitome of making a mountain out of a molehill. Fucking disappointment but whatever, feeling so much better after a good nap. 

Looking forward to plans made this coming November + work + school! Another 2 more months and it is 2013..... Lets see, did I manage to cross anything out from my 2012's resolution list? Haha. 

This is slightly late but thanks to everyone who made my birthday a really great one to remember. 

and R.I.P to my late step-father, Al. x

For what is worth

For what is worth:

Nothing is as beautiful as watching the sunlight shine through your hair with your smile plastered across your face.
Nothing sounds as good as hearing you laugh or hearing you sing way-way-way-way off tune.
Nothing is as adorable as you clapping and squealing like a baby seal.
Nothing feels as good as our fingers interlocking at random times.
Nothing would make me feel as comfortable as having your head rest on my shoulder.
Nothing can be compared to nights spent with you, walking, talking, smoking like as if we didn't have a care in the world.

More importantly, nothing makes me feel happy like how you do.

Bird days

This post is going out to the dearest and best(est) friends in the world for me.

16 July 2012: Rebecca Rose Morais

Prom Night November 2011

You have always been the lady among Soldiers and the motherly figure besides Jasmine. Thanks for the great party you threw for your birthday. I had a really great time + I am sure the rest of us there did too! Partying at Helipad for that weekend was great too despite the hiccups we had earlier on in the night. I have known you for 6 years now. From the girl who was from Marymount Convent and disturbing you during Malay Language class, the rest of the bungs and me checking you out in sec 2 because you started to look REALLY different physically (HAHAHAHAHAH, Shiv please do not kill me) and then came sec 3 when you became my classmate for the rest of our years in IJ. I am really glad that you and the rest of Soldiers became my group of friends in school + in class. Doing retarded things in school, sharing every day life with you + the girls, going through 2 major exams together, you giving me pretty much the only sane advises I can get from Soldiers and a lot of other things. You are one hell of a heels lover and gee woman, you are so bloody passionate about them. Well, you are finally 18 and you can do all the partying that you enjoy. You are a really, really, really great friend to have around and I am so thankful to God that I have you as my friend + the rest of the girls. Even though you are in Poly now, I know for sure, no friends you meet there is going to be as great as soldiers. :-)

P.S/ You and Shivvy boy make one hell of a great couple. Seeing you 2 together really gives me hopes that relationships are not always bullshit. Love you babe, xxx

12th August 2012: Princess Diana Michael Tan

Early 2010 when your hair was still black 

Where do I start? First of all, this is an apology for the major cock up we had right before your birthday but I am glad that was done and over with. Thanks for putting it aside and still allowed me to celebrate your birthday with you. I am pretty sure you had fun finishing a whole bottle of 750ml vodka by yourself. You have always been an older sister for me, looking out for me when we were in school and taking care of me even after you/ we left IJ. There is never a day (or more like night) which was boring and somehow, we always come up with the craziest things to do to entertain ourselves when we are out. After countless pints and cans of beer, packs of cigarettes, bottles of liquor, nights in the club/ bar/ pub, nights lepaking at each other's places, stupid irrational fights, I am glad that I still have you as my god sister. It is nice to know that I have you + your family to call my own and you likewise, have my family to call your own. It is really amazing how my mother trusts you more than she trusts me and my sisters listens to you and not me -_- You are in China now for your competition so ALL THE BEST babe!!!!! Show 'em what Diana P is all about. Here is to more nights lepaking + getting smashed + fantasizing about our future. Love you, always PUTPUT. Tee hee hee

24th August 2012: Yan Aindreas aka Nurul Ain Bte Talib

December 2011: WHOLE HOUSE TO OURSELVES FOR 1 WEEK

You bloody wanker. You are the left boob and I am the right boob. You are my bra and one of my bestest friends. I have had some of the best holiday periods with you. Dated girls and coming up with retarded analogies with regards to the situation we were in. Getting my first underage smoking screening with you :P HAHAHAHA. Spending our days at my mother's bakery, you staying at my place for such long periods of time, never failing to confide in each other about every single girl we were dating, Seletaris/ North Oaks with our (then) favourite girls, going for midnight runs..... HAIYAH BRA, why must you be so old and grown up now??? We need to have sleepovers again. WE NEED TO STAY UP TILL 8AM JUST TO GO FOR MORNING WALKS, LAUGH AT PEOPLE'S TWEETS AND EAT SUPPER. You are going through a really rough patch now emotionally but I really do hope you'd pick yourself up soon. Remember how both of us went through this with all the girls we dated before? Yes, Bonnie and I-rah were girls we loved so much but hey, remember what you told me when B and I ended things? Yes you do, do not fucking deny it. The same goes for you, bra. Someday, we are going to have a conversation about how silly this emotional rah rah is, don't we always do that??? No matter what happens, I will always have your back. Two of us together, we are like a couple, HEE HEE HEE. Happy 20th Birthday, bra kesayangan gua.

24th September 2012: Siti Mariam Alias

Batam in June(?) 2011 (Side note: Wtf, look at how fat I was)

My moron and best friend, you are the first friend I made in IJ. Despite us being TORN APART in sec 3 and then after you left IJ, you are like the most annoying bitch of a friend I have and I fucking love you for that. How you tolerate all of my whinning about stupid girls and how we can just throw a bitch fit at each other but just laugh at each other for it. I will never forget how we fought and you poured iced lemon tea all over me :-) You are such a good friend la, serious. HAHAHA. I am thankful for the fact that our friendship is so strong that we always have each other no matter how long it has been since we last spoke. How mama rock is always so welcoming and warm. Sigh pie, I miss spending every single fucking weekday with you :-( I am sorry I could not make it for USS day but hey!!!! My birthday is coming up so we should have dinner soon yeah? Though it was awkward at your place with your friends from college being there but hey!!! I GOT TO ACCEPT THAT OTHER PEOPLE WOULD WANT TO BEFRIEND MY MORON RIGHT, HAHAHAHAHAH. I fucking love you, okay remember that and you can always count on me even though half of the time I wouldn't even make things better for you. Our love is unspoken love but it's a great one. Happy fucking legal, moron.

27th September 2012: Illya, the girl who shot her zombie

Prom Night November 2011

Our friendship developed in an odd way...... but I am glad it did. It so nice to have one of my best friends staying near me UNLIKE THE REST, hahaha. So much has happened in our lives ever since we got close and I am glad I had you around when I was an emotional wreck. Lepaking is always our main activity whenever we meet, meeting just to smoke in Sembawang. You are like a stone thrown against my head whenever I confide in you because you never sugar coat your words. You are fucking direct and blunt but I fucking love that about you. I hope you enjoyed the cake + your favourite Milo earlier on. PLEASE KEEP MY LETTER PROPERLY YA. I love being emotional wrecks with you whenever we are both down and out and hey whenever that happens, you will always have me to be gila with you ya??? You can finally buy cigarettes from the 7-11 downstairs, hekhekhek. Please, gloat in all the glory of being legal before me through out the upcoming week yeah?? Have fun clubbing legally tomorrow and please get fucking smashed. Run naked on the streets outside Zouk with Thipa. Pretty please. Love you, indian wannabe

Six degrees of seperation

Whatever it was that we had between us was great while it lasted and now that it is over, it will always be a part of me. 

Not because I still yearn for you to be next to me but simply because whatever we shared has taught me how to be a better person for myself and it has lead me to the path of self discovery and being myself. 

For all of that, I cannot thank you enough and I certainly do wish for you nothing but all the greatness life has to offer you and I do hope that everything is going well for you now. 

Till then, 

"It can only get worse before it gets better" right? 

x

Believe

Ease those cringes on your face. Take a deep, deep breath in. Breath out. Tell yourself everything is going to be okay and all would work out in your favour. Take a leap of faith. Pray for all the things you care for and love. Remember to say thanks for all the blessings you have received and the obstacles you have overcome. Tell yourself never give up on yourself or your dreams. 

Promise yourself you will not let yourself and your aspirations down because I will not give up on you or your dreams. Whatever comes your way, you know I will always be here for you to fall back on. 

I do believe in you. 

20 seconds

“Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery and I promise you, something great will come of it.”


I was in serious contemplation to do something earlier on and I very well know the consequences that might come out of it if I were to do it, but after attempts to get the 20 seconds of insane courage, I just backed out. Simply because for the past 3 months, nothing much has played out in my favour and I just told myself, "hey you know what Shari, maybe you should just forget about doing something which might put your future at risk and just get on with whatever you were doing before pondering about this."


Talked to a friend about this earlier on in the evening and he said "If you are going to do this now, you will know what would come out of doing this but by not doing so, you are just going to live the rest of your life, thinking of what could have been instead of knowing what could have been. Live with the knowledge of knowing what happened, not regrets" and of course followed by the norms of having a conversation with your close friend's ex boyfriend. Well, pretty obviously I do not want to be living with the regrets of not executing this action and for losing the insane courage to do it but one day, surely I know I'd do it. Maybe it is when I do not give it second thoughts at all and just do it without even stopping for a second to ponder and maybe it 'd happen when I am least expecting myself to do so. Like a moment of folly or in the words of We Bought A Zoo, literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. 


Perhaps now is not the right time. Or maybe there will never be a right time. Just 20 seconds of me being so damn full of courage, yes. 


and my bad if this post sounds pretty much repetitive 

There is a light that never goes out

This week has probably been one of the most eventful week I will have in a very, very long time. 
I must extend my thanks and apologies to @yanaindreas and @NeonRetroNipz & her mom for troubling them because of the state my health is in. Also to Sashé for constantly responding to my almost stupid medical queries. 
So, so, so grateful for the fact that Yan was there to bring me to the hospital or I promise I could have just died. As usual, me being the stubborn prick that I am, I bullshitted my way out of getting admitted. Hey, come on all those momoks and God knows what else that would be lurking around the wards at night... No thanks. 
I think the most shitty part of how the whole situation is right now was seeing how worried soldiers were when I told them about it but I really do hope that they'd stop worrying because I am Shari Shimmen and nothing gets to me. ;-) 
Despite how 'fantastic' I feel, I refuse to just stay at home and rot. There is nothing for me to do at all besides reading a book... So I have decided to go back for classes and work in the upcoming week + it is also going to be filled with appointments. Omgahh. 
Oh yes, met up with Stacey, Shan and Naqs for a quick round of beer at Harry's last night. Stacey is all grown up from since she left for Canada. It was definitely good seeing the three of them and telling them about the Rachel, tee hee hee. 
Left to meet the girls at Singapore Flyer after for some ice cream. I am telling you readers now, that ice cream outlet is going to be my most visited ice cream parlor from now on wards, ha ha ha... 
It was so good seeing soldiers full attendance last night because it has been long since all of us were present at one time while meeting up. Nothing beats friends like them. Ever. 
The rest of the night is..... beyond indescribable. #honestyhour


Oh yes and at the wee hours of the morning, the cabbie almost banged into another cab. Could have sworn I saw the light. 


x

Hold me down sweet love, I'll carry you home

One of the bestest friend anyone could ever have. Amazing girl 

30th June 2012: An amazing evening for the LGBT community in Singapore + around the region. It was the very first Pink Dot held at night and it attracted a record breaking 15, 000 over people. 

Despite the weather being pretty humid and all that, it was still pretty much a night to remember 'cause I think we are damn lucky to have such a brave group of people stepping up to be the voices of the LGBT community in Singapore. 

Bumped into quite a number of people. It was good, good seeing familiar faces there and even the straight ones! Met Sashé before that to grab *$ and my goodness, it was life saving. Caught up with @cforserious for a bit. It was good, good even though that girl dressed in a way that it seems more appropriate for her to be at one of the lanes in Geylang. #badjoke ya


Headed for dinner after with @lourdecris, @shannnnn, @erasethisgirl, @offtheblue, Vernice(I don't know how to spell her name), Sashé and Sashé's friend, Mel Chia. Had such a fantastic time laughing at someone's middle name but after that, @lourdecris just had to start poking fun at my name. Not cool at all 


It was Bay Beats 2012 after that and in my utmost honest opinion, all the matreps and people in the same radar as them were all dressed so similarly. Excuse me for being blunt but a formal shirt, tailored pants and pointed toes for a gig? You've got to be shitting me, brothers. 


Met Khai and his friends after at Clarke Quay + it was retarded beyond words and I honestly have nothing to say about my time spent from then till 6am. 


Despite my Saturday not going according to how I initially wanted it to, it was nonetheless, a pretty good night + had some good people for company. 


Caught The Amazing Spiderman, had my favourite sugarcane drink + bought a book (Life and Death in Shanghai) with my family on Sunday. Love spending time with them even though they get on my nerves half of the time. With the exception of mom. I love you, mommy. xxx 


x 
Here's to an awesome week for you and I. 

There is a major lack of photos for this post simply because I am too lazy to upload photos from my mobile and these are all taken off Facebook

It will never be

"Why do you still love me after how I left you alone all these while?"


"Because I knew from the day I laid my eyes on you, I was going to love you for the rest of my life. Even though it was painful and crazy seeing you with someone else, I was just fine loving you on the sidelines. My love for you has grown to a point where as long as I am happy loving you, it did not matter much whether you were mine or someone else's. And I always knew from the time you left me, it was never over between us and it will never be"

I'll put one foot right in front of the other, I don't need another new love

2 important final exams for 2 modules this weekend. Work tonight. A bunch of laundry I have to do today from my dive trip to Tioman. 5 hours to get my laundry done + going through what I have studied for a module + get ready for work and here I am writing. Wow


I have got a bunch of photos from the 2 highlights for the month of June. Midnight kite flying + Tioman dive trip. 

Kite flying past midnight with the homiez + Wynona! Sort of in lieu with the chinese celery's birthday. Happy 19th birthday, Cerelia Chinese Celery Kew. Good, good night out even though the cab fare was a definitely killer. 

My diving buddy, Wynona

Charlie, the resident puffer fish for Tioman Reef Divers

Lion Fish

School of fishes

Lack of sleep + dying from dehydration

Dad's favourite thing to do besides diving

Dearest mom + Wynona

Abang, Along, family + Uncle Lee's family

I just had to put this up because mom's caption for this photo is: Still can't make out. HAHAHAHA

Beauty

Daddy + Liyana

School of fishes #02

Clown Fish!

Wynona and I under the sea

Had a good time diving at Tioman. Met many interesting people there. Witnessed a group of chinese Singaporean girls flirting with a really old German guy. Drank every night I was there simply because the alcohol there is ridiculously cheap + the cigarettes too and it is always better to have a nice, long chat over a bottle of beer. Went to play snooker with Abang + Along + Clarissa and pretty obviously, Clarissa and I both sucked at it. Played ping pong at 3am too. Which I sucked at too. Had meals cooked by mom which was a bonus because I'd prefer mom's cooking anytime over outside food.


Highlights of the trip: Spending time with my family, passing my diving exams even though I stayed up late the night before to drink, play snooker, play ping pong and had supper + I did not study at all. Sounds conceited but hey, I am proud of myself. 

Closing this chapter

I'm quite pissed off with blogger because my post which was reverted back into drafts was deleted. Like the whole entire content of my damned post. A post which I poured my heart out into. Balls and I've been sitting here for the past 2 hours trying to rewrite the post with the exact same emotions that I had writing that at 2 in the morning but.... I didn't manage to deliver my words the way it is suppose to be like last night/ this morning. 

As shitty as I feel because I wanted so badly to re-publish that post for that particular someone to be able to READ what's going through my mind, I guess it's a sign to show me that as shitty and miserable I was feeling last night, I guess it doesn't really matter all that much to me now. 

It greatly annoys me when someone is able to text/ WhatsApp/ tweet to others but not reply me. Especially when someone says that she loves me. Ignoring me and degrading me is only going to piss me off even more and I will just end up bugging you even more. 

Whatever it is, I guess this break up is fair and square because you've finally got what you wanted which is me leaving you alone for good and I got what I deserve which is this heartache for having so much faith. As much as I'll always love you no matter what happens, it's time I put myself before you because nothing's going to come out of being sad over this. 

I'm sorry if you feel offended by this post. I know you've tried your best and I do believe you when you told me about your love for me but this is how I honestly feel and I hope you're able to respect it by not lashing out on me for speaking about how I feel. 

I have this amazing capability to mess things up whenever everything's going smoothly. I should really learn how to make my brain think faster than my hands or mouth just so I won't be making the stupidest mistakes I would make in my life. But ah well, too late for regrets.

She's gone.

Studio

This is the first time in a very long time that I'm able to sit on my bed and surf the net on my laptop. Working at Universal Studios Singapore has been sucking my time like crazy and I barely have time to do anything that I want to do before school starts in May. 


This isn't going to be a whinny post because I'm here to write about Nina Banina's smashing 18th @ The Studio Bar. It was one hell of  a crazy night~ Had so much fun catching up with my girls and seeing friends I haven't seen in quite some time since the last drinking session at Nina's last year. I was happy too because @B_ONNX came along with me even though she was afraid that it might be awkward being around my girls after all that has happened between us. @Celestineee wasn't there thought and so was Ivy. Two thumbs down for that 


Spent the rest of the night chilling while watching the city's skyline with @B_ONNX and having supper at our favourite prata shop. Despite everything we've been through and all that crazy ass fights we have, we somehow manage to find our way back to each other every. single. time. As much as I feel like giving up on working things out because it does get really draining and heart wrenching at times but I know for sure that I haven't felt this way about anyone else except for her before. As long as there's still the fire burning love that we share + us being able to imagine building a future together, I'm not going to give up trying to 'work things out'. We'll get where we are suppose to be, someday eventually. 


@B_ONNX is such a sweetheart because she bought for me a bag of chocolates to cheer me up with a note inside when I was feeling down last weekend + she got me ice cream from Salted Caramel. She makes me so happppppppy. And it isn't the sort of happiness you get from receiving something materialistic but from knowing that someone genuinely cares because of the effort they're putting in. 


I shall stop here tonight because I'm bloody tired from work. 


Enjoy the photos from Nina's! 


P/S: Thanks for the invitation Nina. You've put in so much effort for your own birthday planning and it was one hell of a birthday party. Hope you've enjoyed your party as much as soldiers had fun being there. <3 x

@DemelzaLee and @meatypork 

@_jalisa, @lynnette07 + me ruining their photo, HEE HEE

Birthday girl + me. Such a gorgeous babe and awesome friend. 

Soldiers -Ivy, Celestine and Nina + Shiv & Bonnie!

@B_ONNX and I. <3 

Silent flight, sleepless dawn

It’s been quite some time since I last blogged. God is honestly testing me with all the rocks that life has been throwing at me. With all that has been happening, it got me thinking quite a bit. And it isn’t those sort of random self- reflection notion which would we would eventually get over in a couple of days. Been thinking about all the things that has been weighing down in my mind for the past couple of weeks. It was as though the decisions that I’ve made and are making has/ are going through drafts after drafts because I want to be completely sure of what I’m doing. Least I won’t regret them that much in future if anything backfires....

2012 is going to be a year that I’m going to focus fully on myself for my studies and nothing else besides my family’s welfare + my girls’ + the homies. With the decision I’ve made regarding my education, this year is going to be  a bloody crucial year and 2013 too because whatever I undertake and accomplish is going to determine how I’m going to fare in being successful in the industry I want to go into. I’m not going to let insignificant things to affect me or hinder me from getting to where I see myself in 10 years. It’s really a Me, Family and Homies year. I know it sounds contradicting when I said that I’m not going to let things affect me and friends are usually quite a hindrance when it comes to problems surfacing but the people which falls under my homies category are really friends I can rely on and so far..... nothing they do seem to bother me to a great extent. Hard to find friends like them in the kind of society we live in because the only survival kit you have is to be hypocritical. And not forgetting, God is going to play a huge role in my life this year too (and every other year to come) because the powers of prayers are really amazing and through God, everything’s possible. With His grace too would I only be able to understand why things didn’t go the way I wanted it to too! *I think I’m starting to sound like those HARDCORE OVERLY RABAK JESUS LOVERS ON TWITTER, lol. (disclaimer: no offense intended)

On a different note: Stayed over at the lovely @cforserious’s place on a random night in February while the 3 NAFA amigos were doing their assignment. This Chinese celery was such a good host because we had processed microwaved food + drinks + rokok + junkies to snack on. Stayed over at her place again few nights ago because this @JoanDeeJett just had too much to say to me even though I know it’s really because those two just missed me too much, HEE HEE HEE. No one can ever resist the Shimmen’s charm; o please. Okay, really bad joke. MEHH. Missed those two quite a bit and I really love how I’m able to talk to them about anything and I don’t have to feel like an awkward turtle about anything stupid I do or say. Such lovely friends~ I miss @kelsdradley too. Wonder what happened to her... Hmm

Spent 14^th February (Singles Awareness Day) at Le Peranakan and dinner with my love birds; @yanaindreas @I-rah’s twitter name is damn long and annoying + @B_ONNX! (yes.... Bonnie:-B) We had a pretty good meal at Charco’s! Then headed for a walk around Katong area to go towards Upp East Coast. It was good catching up with them and it was lovely seeing how Yan and I-rah both started dating and now they’re still going strong!!!! Happy Anniversary you guys <3 Bonnie and I walked around at 1am with no slippers and boxers on because we had to look for something really, really important. People probably thought we are Singapore’s Modern day Hobos. Good pudding! And we wasted our bus fares and cab fares to go to some famous Tau Huey place because we didn’t know it was a <10 minutes walk. Good job to us, yay. *confetti

Managed to catch up with the girls too during Saturday dinner at Hardrock and during our pink girl’s birthday, Jasmine at East Coast Park. Both nights were kick ass! Love my soldiers so much~ School would have been different for the past 3 years without them. They’re such gems and such good friends. It’s always fun, joy and laughter with them around. Can’t wait for our next soldiers meet up along side with Shiv!!! Ij friends are friends for life, HEHEHE.

Had a random lepaking evening with @ishotmyzombie and @cuteboyisme (It’s a girl) near Chong Pang earlier this month and it was whack. We spent most of the time spamming Illy’s MacBook and taking retarded videos.... Why are we such retards :’) It was good nonetheless. Went back home at a speed of lightning because I had to pee and I was hungry like a fucking wolf.

Spent Saturday at Yishun Junior College’s carnival. Not sure though what organization are the funds going towards to but hey, had fun with the people I went for the carnival with! They’re actually not my friends but @B_ONNX’s, HAHAHAHAHA. Like, @shushtheashhy, @dye_mond and their boyfriends. It was good despite the scum bag of a weather! Had Long John’s Silver for a late lunch then headed to Esplanade to read~ Bumped into Galisten and my goodness, that lady is becoming Singapore’s Iron Lady.... She’s packing mean muscles man. Had some quality time with myself again at my favourite Fullerton Bridge to think about things before taking the bus back home. It was a lovely start to the weekend.

What am I talking about..... I’m not working neither have I started school... Every day’s a weekend for me! MEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Here are some photos for your viewing pleasures. :-B I'm too lazy to rearrange the photos so just so you know: Me in The Beatle's: Lepak session. Me w/ the girls around a table: Hard Rock Singapore. Me + the girls in casual wear: Jasmine's birthday. Me with this really pretty girl: 14th  

Even on days you're going to hate with all your guts, I'm going to remind you why we are here together