Silent flight, sleepless dawn

It’s been quite some time since I last blogged. God is honestly testing me with all the rocks that life has been throwing at me. With all that has been happening, it got me thinking quite a bit. And it isn’t those sort of random self- reflection notion which would we would eventually get over in a couple of days. Been thinking about all the things that has been weighing down in my mind for the past couple of weeks. It was as though the decisions that I’ve made and are making has/ are going through drafts after drafts because I want to be completely sure of what I’m doing. Least I won’t regret them that much in future if anything backfires....

2012 is going to be a year that I’m going to focus fully on myself for my studies and nothing else besides my family’s welfare + my girls’ + the homies. With the decision I’ve made regarding my education, this year is going to be  a bloody crucial year and 2013 too because whatever I undertake and accomplish is going to determine how I’m going to fare in being successful in the industry I want to go into. I’m not going to let insignificant things to affect me or hinder me from getting to where I see myself in 10 years. It’s really a Me, Family and Homies year. I know it sounds contradicting when I said that I’m not going to let things affect me and friends are usually quite a hindrance when it comes to problems surfacing but the people which falls under my homies category are really friends I can rely on and so far..... nothing they do seem to bother me to a great extent. Hard to find friends like them in the kind of society we live in because the only survival kit you have is to be hypocritical. And not forgetting, God is going to play a huge role in my life this year too (and every other year to come) because the powers of prayers are really amazing and through God, everything’s possible. With His grace too would I only be able to understand why things didn’t go the way I wanted it to too! *I think I’m starting to sound like those HARDCORE OVERLY RABAK JESUS LOVERS ON TWITTER, lol. (disclaimer: no offense intended)

On a different note: Stayed over at the lovely @cforserious’s place on a random night in February while the 3 NAFA amigos were doing their assignment. This Chinese celery was such a good host because we had processed microwaved food + drinks + rokok + junkies to snack on. Stayed over at her place again few nights ago because this @JoanDeeJett just had too much to say to me even though I know it’s really because those two just missed me too much, HEE HEE HEE. No one can ever resist the Shimmen’s charm; o please. Okay, really bad joke. MEHH. Missed those two quite a bit and I really love how I’m able to talk to them about anything and I don’t have to feel like an awkward turtle about anything stupid I do or say. Such lovely friends~ I miss @kelsdradley too. Wonder what happened to her... Hmm

Spent 14^th February (Singles Awareness Day) at Le Peranakan and dinner with my love birds; @yanaindreas @I-rah’s twitter name is damn long and annoying + @B_ONNX! (yes.... Bonnie:-B) We had a pretty good meal at Charco’s! Then headed for a walk around Katong area to go towards Upp East Coast. It was good catching up with them and it was lovely seeing how Yan and I-rah both started dating and now they’re still going strong!!!! Happy Anniversary you guys <3 Bonnie and I walked around at 1am with no slippers and boxers on because we had to look for something really, really important. People probably thought we are Singapore’s Modern day Hobos. Good pudding! And we wasted our bus fares and cab fares to go to some famous Tau Huey place because we didn’t know it was a <10 minutes walk. Good job to us, yay. *confetti

Managed to catch up with the girls too during Saturday dinner at Hardrock and during our pink girl’s birthday, Jasmine at East Coast Park. Both nights were kick ass! Love my soldiers so much~ School would have been different for the past 3 years without them. They’re such gems and such good friends. It’s always fun, joy and laughter with them around. Can’t wait for our next soldiers meet up along side with Shiv!!! Ij friends are friends for life, HEHEHE.

Had a random lepaking evening with @ishotmyzombie and @cuteboyisme (It’s a girl) near Chong Pang earlier this month and it was whack. We spent most of the time spamming Illy’s MacBook and taking retarded videos.... Why are we such retards :’) It was good nonetheless. Went back home at a speed of lightning because I had to pee and I was hungry like a fucking wolf.

Spent Saturday at Yishun Junior College’s carnival. Not sure though what organization are the funds going towards to but hey, had fun with the people I went for the carnival with! They’re actually not my friends but @B_ONNX’s, HAHAHAHAHA. Like, @shushtheashhy, @dye_mond and their boyfriends. It was good despite the scum bag of a weather! Had Long John’s Silver for a late lunch then headed to Esplanade to read~ Bumped into Galisten and my goodness, that lady is becoming Singapore’s Iron Lady.... She’s packing mean muscles man. Had some quality time with myself again at my favourite Fullerton Bridge to think about things before taking the bus back home. It was a lovely start to the weekend.

What am I talking about..... I’m not working neither have I started school... Every day’s a weekend for me! MEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Here are some photos for your viewing pleasures. :-B I'm too lazy to rearrange the photos so just so you know: Me in The Beatle's: Lepak session. Me w/ the girls around a table: Hard Rock Singapore. Me + the girls in casual wear: Jasmine's birthday. Me with this really pretty girl: 14th  

Even on days you're going to hate with all your guts, I'm going to remind you why we are here together

To make your eyes catch fire the way they should

It is 0150h on a Friday morning and I’m listening to Arcade Fire and The Cure. Life’s been pretty much the same old, same old for the past few weeks. On a lighter note, managed to catch up with an old friend after what seemed like a really long time of not talking to each other. It felt good finally meeting an old friend and talking like old times. It feels as though we never actually left each other’s lives.


Now that I’m not working due to all the decision making I’ve to do, it seems as though there are so many things that I want to get done before I start on something official that’s going to pave my future... Definitely not going to make a list because to-do lists are really very useless for someone like me; a person who doesn’t adhere to a piece of paper with tasks scribbled all over. Really am just going to do things at my own pace for now... and just try to soak in as much as life has to offer for now. Sounds like a legit plan, Shari Shimmen.


Things has been pretty rough when it comes to the ‘rents decision about me going into prep school for law but hey, life gets really unfair at certain point and I’m trying my best to be as understanding as possible when it comes to their reasons... Which I really don’t think is valid but as long as I don’t have $10,000++, I don’t think I’m in the right position to be all bitchy about this.  I still love the ‘rents all the same and I’m pretty damn sure I’ll still get to be wherever I want to be as long as my heart is still set on it.


On a different note, for the past few months I’ve been trying so hard to feel anything from being sad to being hurt and angry but it’s been pretty damn hard. I won’t deny that I was/ am happy with how my life played out with all the amazing people that I’ve met and I was really contented with that but I’ve always had that annoying feeling in me; Which I never figured what exactly was it until recently. It was fucking annoying, really damn fucking annoying not being to get angry at things or the shit people threw at me or feel sad for something which deserves some emotions. I guess when they say “Every time someone you love goes away, they take a part of you with them” is pretty darn true to start off with.... and it was only when I finally managed to catch up with a certain individual was I able to start feeling emotions I thought I was indifferent towards. It feels good, it honestly does.


As great as things are right now and as much as I’m loving how things are falling into their places at this point of time, I’m trying my best to not get my hopes up high and keeping my expectations on an all- time low. Whatever happens, I’m pretty convinced myself that what I feel towards that certain individual is pretty stable on its own and I don’t have to receive anything in return from her because being by her side even as a friend would be good enough. I’m just really happy and grateful with how things are between us now and whatever it is, I promise to walk through this with her slowly but steadily. After all that we’ve been through in the past few months and for my eyes + heart to still be set on her, I hope it’d be enough to let her know that my love for her wouldn’t crumble so easily.


“I love you. I’ve always loved you all along”