"I'll never leave you again"

Is it really time for me to let go? Is it only fair for me to let her go since I wasn't honest with her about how I felt yesterday? Is it only right that I let her go since she isn't happy being with me anymore?

There are so many fears and questions running through my head right now... I don't even know where to begin anymore. I bloody hell regretted not being honest with her when she asked me if I was upset but... I was just hoping for her to stop me from leaving her place but no, I fucking screwed everything up with what I did and said. Yan and Irah finally came to see me yesterday, for no bloody reason. Trashed things out, I felt better. Yan talked to me about moving on and stuff like that. I don't know how am I suppose to do that because I know I'll just keep looking for that Bonnie element in that person... And that sucks because I'll never be able to find another person like her.

"I like being in your arms, it's warm" -This right here made me felt so much love when she said it to me while we were watching tele... It still makes me smile when I play back scenes of us together in my head. I don't know when will I ever be able to get over this and get back on track with life... I just feel so weak and vulnerable. I can't focus, I can't eat and all I can do is smoke. I feel like such a loser. I honestly do. I should have just gone all out and made the best of things when I still had the chance too. I'm so afraid of living life without her... Knowing that she's stronger than I ever was and she's able to go on without us in her life.

Whatever it is, I know I'll always be waiting for her as painful as it is with her completely ignoring me and cutting me out from her life. But what else is there for me to do? I still feel as though there is unfinished business between us because I really do /am trying to make things better for us, for her. She's a gem... She really is but she doesn't believe anything I say anymore. I only have myself to blame for that and self pity to comfort myself with.

I love you, Bonnie. If you ever see this, please know that I'm always here waiting for you. To be safe in your arms again.