October is proving to be a very difficult month for me. It's been barely a week and so many things has happened. September did not end on a very good note either besides a pretty wonderful graduation ceremony.
I don't know if I've done whatever I could to salvage my relationship with Bonnie but it seems like she's really bent on leaving this time round. I'm trying my best to understand that she has her own difficulties because of the way she feels right now and think of herself as. Even though it is hard to pull through with the whole no texting her/ being completely out of her life, I know I've to be strong about it because I've O-levels to give my all towards for the next month or two.
I can't even start on blaming her on what has happened because I'd rather think of this break up as my own fault. Nothing good ever stays with me. I've always believed in that, I don't know why though. They always say it's easier to blame the other party and move on but I however, don't believe in that. As much as I would like to believe that I'll be able to get through this and that this is for the better, deep down a part of me is still fighting for us to pull through together. As stupid and naive this may sound to people, I really do believe what Bonnie and I had going on was real. The shit we've been through together made us better people for ourselves and for each other. She may think that she can't give me an ideal future but she has already given me so much for me to know that we'd have a future together. It may not be an "ideal" future but it is a future together. I just wished I had given her more for her to believe in that but it's too late for regrets when she's already out the door.
With reference to LP's lyrics to Burning In The Skies: Don't apologize, I'm losing what I don't deserve; Maybe I don't deserve her after all... It's going to be hard to accept this and even harder to see her moving on to someone else but what can a loser like me do, haha. Even after saying all these, I'm still hoping and praying with all my might.
P/S don't remind me of how pathetic I sound, lol
1 comment:
You should just leave bonnie alone and stop making a joke out of yourself. Do you really think she's gonna come back to trash like you?! Bonnie was so unhappy being together with you and here you are being delusional abt the things you and her went through. You're really such a joke. Just let her move on and be happy la. She was never happy with you so just fuck off and get out of her life.
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