I shouldn't have let how insecure I was feeling get in the way of how things were. I should have just been grateful that she was "contacting" me through e-mail.

Even though things are really over between us now, I'm still going to continue seeking help. I want to and have to get better. I just hope that maybe she'd come back to me one day even though it's as good as wishing for wings to fly.

It isn't nice reading what someone has to say about me like that. It feels like shit. It just adds on to the amount of shittyness I feel and there isn't anything I can do about it anymore

After how I hurt her, it must have been easy to just completely cut me off just like that. I don't expect her to believe my explanation. After what I did to her, everything positive she has thought about me must have died

I just read something and my heart just drop beneath the Earth's crust (You get my point...)

It seems like she's starting to have doubts about things changing for the better and more importantly me changing. I can't say much about it because I've yet to start on the professional help I need due to all the public holidays and shit. I can't say much about it too because I did hurt her after all and she does have the right to move on and jump start her life again.

She does have a whole life ahead of her and she deserves so much better than me + my issues. I guess no matter how much I change in the course of receiving help, it doesn't change the fact that she was hurt badly by me and I did destroy a part of her life.

I don't even know why am I saying all of these when selfish me hopes for her to wait for me to get better. I love her too much to possibly just give up like this.. I believe something as miraculous as her waiting for me to get better could happen. But the skeptic in me... Fuck this

sigh

If you're upset because of what I tweeted about mind fucking thoughts, you should know my intentions weren't what you think they are. There's no one I love as much as I love you. This is cliche but it is the honest truth. If what you think is true, I wouldn't even think twice about getting help.

That I promise you.